Time Flies

It’s the Saturday before Father’s Day ’08. I’m preparing to go to dinner and Jack’s in the shower. We’ve decided to go to dinner the day before to celebrate because we know that the actual day will be crazy at all of the restaurants. David is coming home from Athens for the occasion. “So should we wait for David to go to dinner?” I ask.

“No, he says it will be too late,” Jack answers.

Then I have one of those out-of-body experiences. A chill goes through me. My God, I just brought my baby home! It’s a time-warp experience that makes me want to cry. “Jack, what happened?” I say. “It’s as if I was holding him for one minute and now I’m waiting for him to come for dinner on Father’s Day!? Where did the time go?”

Jack says, “I just don’t know.”

Why I'm Crazy!

Jack and I are traveling across town to have our new rescue puppy, London, neutered. Jack likes to travel at the speed of sound and makes such abrupt stops that everyone in the car gets a wedgy.

At least twice, the puppy flies from his little bed in the back to the floor. Then I try holding him, but all the movement makes him carsick. I kick myself for not purchasing one of those doggy halters, but little did we know that in order to have the rescue association neuter London for free, we’d have to go to one of their designated facilities two hours away. “Don’t gas prices even out just paying for our own vet?” I want to know. Jack begs to differ.

He starts to program his GPS while he’s driving which results in another occasion for a sudden, heartstopping halt, less than inches from the car in front of us. Then the dialogue continues as follows:

GPS: Please turn right in 20 feet.

Jack: No way!

GPS: Now turn left.

Jack: No damn way I’m turning left!

GPS: Please make a u-turn now.

Jack: Yeah right! You’re out of your damn mind!

Me: I think you’re the only person I’ve ever known to use a GPS just so you can argue with it. Why are you using it?

Jack: Because this thing is incredible. Right now (pointing to the screen) it’s communicating with nine satellites. But I know a better route.

Me: I’m so confused.