Home for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is upon us and I have “officially” taken off a week of vacation for the first time in over five years. You see, when you’re a freelancer, taking off official time is like saying “I don’t need no more money,” and that’s never true.

The great thing is that David is home from college for the week and some of his friends are off at different times. Don’t get me wrong—his girlfriend suffers from some sort of viral sinus thing going around. I’m not glad about that but with the bad weather, and so on, we have some time with our only offspring, who continually cracks me up.

The first night we ate the chicken pot pie I made, one of David’s favorites, and he and I played Battleship into the wee hours. I’d forgotten how to play and tried to put pegs in the game board holes for his misses as well as mine. Much well-deserved derision ensued, but witty derision is the best. Good times. Good times. The next morning I thought I’d had a stroke because of my blurred vision but realized eventually that I had accidentally put on Jack’s glasses instead of mine. A good start to the week.

I’ve already sent out several e-mail apologies to friends and family for my e-mail rantings regarding my feelings about adopting mongrel vs. purebred dogs. I have both so don’t attack me. I’ll say no more because I don’t want to send out future apologies. I know I should be strapped into a Hannibal Lector mask and gurney to prevent further transgressions but no one is willing to step up to the job, even though I know many would enjoy doing so. If I could just get a slapping/offensive comments Tourette's medical necklace, I'd be in fine shape. I could state my mind, slap people across the face, and then ask for their understanding and sympathy.

Jennifer, Mom, and I went shopping and suffered several, ridiculous, but normal-for-us mishaps—Mom almost fell out of my Jeep, we had a near head-on collision, my card was rejected due to a computer error and then accepted after much public humiliation, and so on. Exiting Jennifer’s car to unload our bounty from the trunk, Mom dropped her gloves on the ground. I bent over to get them and Jennifer said, “I don’t know how we survive,” as she jumped out of the driver’s seat. Lucky that Mom dropped the gloves because it delayed us from being run down as the SUV rolled backward. Jennifer had forgotten to put it in park.

Jack told us a long story in Jack-speak in which he stated, “You know those Japanese. All they ever ask are questions.” It is difficult to do otherwise, don’t you think? But there I go. Whenever I ask something, it’s a question.

(Don’t get me wrong though. Jack is a mad scientist and my beautiful-mind sweetheart. I understand his language which is the product of a brilliant brain in overdrive. “Where are our black paper towels?” he asked me yesterday. Of course, he was searching for our trash bags which are black and in a roll.)

Lately, I’ve reverted to Spoonerisms, named after a pastor of the same name who was known for the inadvertent misspeaks that reverse the first letters of words in a sentence. I think it must be due to stress. “Yes I’m looing the daundry.” (Translation: Yes, I’m doing the laundry.) “I’ll be mere in a thinute.” (Translation: I’ll be there in a minute.”) Ultimately, I’m a liter wrosing the ability to speak. It may all be due to the fact that I’ve been trying to finish a book in record time so that I can take time off. Will it be worth it? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, that ever- terrorizing event when the family gathers together in one room, and barring firearms, survives the love-in until the following year. If I could just get that mask and gurney . . . no apologies necessary, and no legal charges that could stick due to mental inpediments. Oh well, maybe next year.

I hope it’s wonderful for everyone, although I know that’s not possible. We are really very fortunate to live on our particular part--America-- of this strange rotating ball.

We can always hope for better things for everyone. That’s one of the things that Thanksgiving is all about, after all.

Love to everyone and God bless.