Just a Few Words . . .

Something I never thought I'd have to say: "I ain't takin' no damn taxi to Walmart!"

Conversation with soon-to-be daughter-in-law (IN-PERSON, not on the phone):
Her: I want to lose some weight before the wedding.
Me: Dr. Oz said that drinking white tea helped in weight loss so I went and got some.
Her: Is it working?
Me: (to self) Well, apparently not.

Another example of excellent listening skills:
Jack: I ordered that DVD you said you wanted.
Me: The new Upstairs/Downstairs series? Really?!!
I open it.
Me: This is Up the Down Stair Case with Sandy Dennis, made in 1967.
Jack: Oh, well I knew it had stairs in it.