Ask Jesus
The first month and a half of 2008 has been nothing but a lot of work—the feast from people who decide to get something done by hiring somebody to do it (me) that precedes the famine of we don’t have to look that busy anymore, let her starve. It’s the type of thing that makes me want to be one of those salaried folk whose work is like a steady meal.
One morning after a previous evening of working late again, I dragged into the kitchen, turned on the TV, and proceeded to make some toast when I heard an interviewer asking people what they would ask Jesus if they could ask him only one question. One person stated the old standby, “Why is there so much suffering in the world?” Another person schmoozed with “Why am I so blessed?” Then as I walked toward the set to change channels, one woman said, “I’d ask Jesus, where is Osama Bin Laden?”
“You IDIOT!” I shouted at her. She would give up the opportunity to ask about heaven and hell, seeing loved ones in an afterlife, or why we are here, to find out where that chauvinist terrorist goat is?
I have to admit that over the last few years, it seems like every time I look at the clock it’s 3:33 a. m. or 3:33 p. m. In my car, when I wake up in the middle of the night, when I glance at a banking sign, it just happens to be 3:33. Then I saw a T-shirt that had 333 printed across it, along with the message, “I’m only half evil.” Whoa! So I started thinking even more about my points with the big guy. With that in mind, maybe I shouldn’t write the list I’m about to write, because after hearing that woman’s stupid question, I remembered Dave Letterman’s Top Ten List and thought I’d compile my own of the ten dumbest questions to ask Jesus if you only had one question to ask.
10. Hey Jesus, do you have a good recipe for unleavened bread?
9. Hey Jesus, how do you keep that robe so white?
8. Hey Jesus, what’s my favorite color?
7. Hey Jesus, what card am I holding in my hand? No peeking!
6. Hey Jesus, am I going to get a promotion anytime soon?
5. Hey Jesus, does WWJD on those bracelets really mean What Would Jesus Drink?
4. Hey Jesus, why did the chicken really cross the road?
3. Hey Jesus, where did you go to high school?
2. Hey Jesus, does my next door neighbor dye her hair?
1. Hey Jesus, who’s going to win the Super Bowl next year?
Uh oh, I looked at the clock and it’s 3:30. I just lost three points!
posted by Gail @ 1:07 PM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
I would ask Jesus why he created himself? Since he is just one expression of himself (Since he is God, he can create as many parallel, concurrent representations of himself as he wants), why did he choose Jesus as opposed to...Walter, a 16th century house painter.
And, why did he go through all that drama about the cross and dying for everybody's sins? Since he is really God and he created life, couldn't he have tweaked the genetic code so that sinful behavior was verboten?
And last but not least, behind door number 3 is the question of the millennium--what's up with all the children starving to death around the world? I see them on TV--in Africa and South America and Korea--wasting away because they don't have any food.
Meanwhile, your emissary on earth, the Pope, is sitting up there in the Vatican with billions, perhaps trillions of dollars--eating foie gras and drinking wine with some overweight bishops.
I have some more questions, but since I'm only going to live another 20 years at best, I don't have time to ask them all.
People seem to find comfort asking questions to those that cannot truly answer them.
I didn't think my questions were nearly as hard as Gail's.
True, because asking Jesus about high school would be very confusing. However, I did like those questions from anonymous, especially that pope thing. What a failed system!
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