Misc. Blunders and Life Goes On

A water main break, a broken windshield, being laid off from a steady freelance gig without warning, the loss of a lucrative project, and the death of the sweetest old yella fella, my lab Max, in the world (which made everything else pale in comparison)—if I could buy a truck and wreck it, I’d be fully qualified as a country music song writer. However, despite being in somewhat of a sorrowed and shocked daze for most of the week, I still managed to engage in a few other oddities:

On the way to the grocery, with one of my list items being adhesive rollers for picking up pet hair, I walked out to the back where Jack had just mowed down some foot-high monkey grass to make for healthier regrowth and gathered tons of leaves from nearby trees. Moses, our old pug, is missing his lifetime partner, so I gave him a bath to try and cheer him up, which means the fur is a flyin’. Sans rollers, I used a piece of gorilla tape to meticulously remove his fur from my black shirt, told Jack that I was leaving for the store, and was turning to exit when he cranked up the leaf blower full-fledge.

I tapped him on the shoulder amidst the noise and when he turned to look at me his mouth fell open and he turned the blower off. “Could you have waited just a second?” I asked. I was so covered in leaf debris, dirt, and monkey grass residue from head to toe that Jack had to take me to the garage and de-leaf me with his high-pressure air hose.

Then Jennifer (younger sister) and I stopped off at Walgreen’s Drug Store to try out one of those machines in which you insert your camera’s photo card and pick and choose from a number of options to print selected photos. We’d never used one before so we though we were doing pretty well until I looked at one of the thumbnail photos and remarked, “Oh my God! Is that me? I look like a big, fat pig!”

Then I touched the screen to enlarge the photo. It was Jennifer.

My mind went into a blank marquee sign surrounded by flashing lights. Jennifer put her face in her hands and laughed so hard that I thought we’d be removed from the store. I went into that wheezing laugh that only such unrewindable moments inspire. Note to self: Never make a comment until you hit the “Enlarge” button.