Weigh Your Head; Lose Weight

Here’s an e-mail conversation between my sister and me regarding a scientific theory that I postulated and subsequently neglected.

Hypothesis: Full Body Weight minus Weight of Head = True Body Weight

Original Message -----
From: Jennifer
To: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 9:53 AM
Subject: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

Did you ever find out how much your head weighs? Didn't you try to weigh it on your scale? One of the guys at work says you can't do that!

-----Original Message-----
From: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 10:58 AM
To: Jennifer
Subject: Re: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

I've been talking to Mom on the phone so I haven't been able to respond to this very important issue.

Well, I started thinking about this when the kid on Jerry MaGuire said that the average human head weighs eight pounds. I don't think mine weighs that much. I wanted to find this out because I think that I (and other people as well) should be able to subtract the weight of our heads from our total body weight. Jack and I got into a discussion about this, because I also wanted to subtract the weight of the hands and feet. My argument is that the hands and feet aren't typically fat unless you are morbidly obese. He thought that was going too far. Anyway, I think I did try to weigh my head by lying on the floor and resting it on the scales. I can't remember how much it weighed, but it probably weighs a bit more now. The weight was probably pretty accurate, at least approximate, so I disagree with your friend that this can't be done.

Granted, you have to put yourself in a compromising position because someone has to stand over you to look at the scales, giving them the opportunity to stomp your head like a bean pot. Sure, you have to try and relax like you're putting your head on a pillow so that you don’t add weight by putting pressure on the scale and a more accurate reading could be obtained by beheading yourself, but then you wouldn't have to worry about your weight ever again, so what's the point? That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


From: Jennifer
To: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 11:14 AM
Subject: RE: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

That cracks me up. I never thought about the fact that you can't see the weight. That means there have to be at least two people who are twisted enough to pursue this topic. How sad is that?

-----Original Message-----
From: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 11:18 AM
To: Jennifer
Subject: Re: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

And Jack and I are just the two people to be twisted enough to do it. I can usually talk him into these kinds of strange things for some reason. Did you give your friend this info? Is he convinced?

----- Original Message -----
From: Jennifer
To: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 11:51 AM
Subject: RE: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

I did. He enjoyed it. He's the one I got into a debate with about how to say Tootsie Roll. His whole life he pronounced it as "toot-see." He actually ended up writing the Tootsie Roll Company to get a ruling on it. I won that debate.

From: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 12:07 PM
To: JenniferSubject:
Re: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

Funny! I'll have to hear the pronunciation. I imagine he's saying it like toot a horn and you are saying it's like the "u" in "put," right?

----- Original Message -----
From: Jennifer
To: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 12:56 PM
Subject: RE: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

Right! He can't stand being wrong. I think it's hilarious that he actually wrote the company...even funnier that they wrote back. You can see that we're really making great strides here today.

-----Original Message-----
From: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 3:05 PM
To: Jennifer
Subject : RE: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

I wrote angry, and I mean ANGRY e-mails to the people at Dow about changing the scrubbing bubbles dispenser. Then I called the number on the can and ranted, literally ranted about how I would never use their product again. They sent me lots of free coupons but I persisted until one day, I went to the grocery and they had reverted to the old spray nozzle. I can't say that I did this single handedly, but they may have done it out of fear.

I also called the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese people and told them that I was onto them for taking the microwave instructions off the boxes to force us to buy their microwaveable stuff which is more expensive and not as good. Then I demanded that they give me the microwave instructions for the box. They did.


----- Original Message -----
From: Jennifer
To: Gail
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 3:45 PM
Subject: RE: WEIGHING YOUR HEAD

Oh my gosh. I didn't know you did that. Remember me calling the Dannon Yogurt people because I couldn't find the expiration date on the cartons?! Right after I hung up, I found them. Also, I think I was pretty mean to a Comcast operator because my HBO wasn't working for an important episode of the “Sopranos.” I actually tried to call him back to apologize and couldn't get back to him. So, I told the operator at Comcast what I did and that if she found Joe or (whatever his name was) to tell him I was sorry. Ugh.

If we could just put all this angry, bitter energy into something that made money, we'd be millionaires.

Summary: Yes we would be; oh yes we would.