Tidbits from a Failing Mind

(Observation)--I just watched a commercial in which a woman with bladder control problems discusses her embarassment with that little icon of a woman in a dress that they put on bathroom doors. She doesn't want her friends to know that she has to pee so often, but shouldn't she be more worried about the fact that she is obviously hallucinating?


(Conversation)--I asked David for some gift ideas for Christmas. "I'd like a St. Jude medal," he says.

"You mean a St. Christopher's?" I ask.

"No, a St. Jude's. He's the patron saint of lost causes."

"Isn't that somewhat self-defeating?"

"Perhaps." (Later he asked if I remembered to put the medal on his Christmas list. "You mean the loser medal?" I asked. He began to choke me.)

(A story dedicated to Jerry)--My sister who lives in the North Georgia Mountains told me a horrific Halloween tale of a local Baptist church. Their alternative to the satanic goings-on of the sinful holiday in which children play dress-up and eat candy was a walk-through play called (ironically) "The Judgment." If that's not frightening enough, the plot is about a kid who was tortured by bullies at school and ultimately killed them. The ending scene is the kid burning in hell for eternity.

"What happened to the bullies?" I ask.

"I guess they went to heaven," my sister answers. Then she tells me that she was taking her sons and a friend named Calvin to the town Halloween celebration. She asked if they wanted to go to the haunted house there. "I've already been to that and it's not that good," said Calvin. "If you really want to be afraid, go to 'The Judgment.' That scared the pee out of me!"

And we've come full circle.