More Random Rants

More entries in my Out of Work (OOW) journal:

Sadly, I’ve become addicted to a reality show about women trying to start their lives over. It’s one step away from “watching my stories.” One young beautiful woman is worried about having a perfect wedding – oh cry me a river! (Actually, in some parts, I do cry a river.) I consider applying for the show but then realize that even I can’t stand to hear myself talk that much.

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The tornados are ravaging Florida and high winds hit Georgia. I’m in the shower when I hear a loud crashing sound. My first thought is that someone has broken into the house and that they are coming to get me. Running from the shower in a towel, I consider yelling “I’m here! I’m here!” in an effort to speed my demise. Then I discover that a large oak branch has fallen on the deck, barely missing the house. I call my husband at work and tell him of the fact that I thought someone had broken in. He states with some alarm, “Sweetie, it’s really dangerous out there right now with those high winds. [My heart soars at his concern for me.] Could you go out and pull the grill closer to the house?”

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Searching the Internet for jobs on a Saturday morning, I see something fly past outside. I look out to see a beautiful three-foot tall crane standing in the back yard, a sight very unusual for this hilly, water-isolated part of Georgia. “Come out and look,” I yell to my husband. “There’s a beautiful crane in our back yard.”

“Oh, I’ve seen a crane before,” he remarks, never moving from his chair.

Well, hell, I’ve seen a giraffe before but if one is in my back yard, I’m going to get up to look at the damn thing!

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Look, I’ve never been a fashion queen, but I just purchased women’s socks at the grocery store!

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My teenaged son yelled at our pug for barking. I told him to stop being a bully. He replied, “Shut up and give me your lunch money!”

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People, people, people! Can’t we all just get along before I kick somebody’s ass?

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